Today. Was. Rough.
Have I started to give you the impression that I don't have days straight from hell? Let me shatter this false image right now. I am like any autistic adult, I have meltdowns, sensory sensitivities, shutdowns, burnouts... and anything I haven't learned has a name, just yet.
Today didn't start out normally, but it started out good. Unfortunately, however, I had to take zzzquil sleep aid last night fairly late, which left me exhausted today. Exhaustion apparently means sensory sensitivities and depth perception difficulties. What did that lead to? I knocked over my freshly opened soda, which spilled all over the floor, and our expensive foreign rug. I was pissed, and extremely embarrassed. I yelled for my husband's help, and he came rushing in like the valiant knight I see him as. He's so sweet, and I snapped at him. I feel awful about it, and I know that my anxiety is having a field day with that. I've tried desperately to calm down and not react that way, but I had a similar scene when I couldn't find my mouse, of all things. Now I'm exhausted from such an influx of emotions, and I'm left wishing I hadn't snapped. Thankfully, I was able to calm down before the (mild) self mutilation phase, which spirals into a world ending meltdown.
What are autistic meltdowns? I've read in several places, that it's when the fight or flight instinct is triggered. We are more likely to go down swinging than run away. It can be purely physical, meaning, the person in question will thrash, bite, spit..etc. Or they can just go limp and sob hysterically. Or start rocking and crying, or stimming like crazy.
The Mighty details what meltdowns are in children, and adults.
"The last bit of control over their universe disappeared."
"The last bit of control over their universe disappeared."
They are catastrophic in nature, and tend to obliterate any shred of sanity you have for any space of time it has the power over you. These are sometimes preventable, but not always. If your person is having one, help them, understand when they can't communicate and do everything within your power to make sure they're okay during and after. Make sure they have a 'panic' room, where everything is well organized, and easily accessible. Dark, quiet places with soft blankets, a cool (or even warm) drink, things to snack on, something to keep their mind busy and short sentences with simple (but noncondescending, or infantalizing) speech. Keep in mind this person has only temporarily lost control of their own world, and will resume their position once they're able.
Can't this happen to someone who isn't autistic? Yes! My husband, and one of our close friends is also on the spectrum. He'll experience a shutdown with uncomfortable subjects, and our friend will experience meltdowns just as I do. We have very similar behaviors, which cements the Autistic Spectrum's existence to me.
Life is hard, please don't make it harder on your spectrum people. Understand their behavior and habits and encourage them. We all need love, support, and understanding. We need guidance, and a gentle hand, but Adult Autistics are not children and do not need to be, or appreciate being babied. When we ask for further explanations or simpler language, don't talk-down to us, or assume we won't comprehend you right away.
Something as simple as a bug bite can threaten my sanity. Why? It's the constant disturbance in my otherwise comfortable life, and that could very well be why I was on edge today. It's an involuntary reaction when my body itches, and I have to put-forth extra effort in remembering my itch remedy, which throws off my day's balance. Balance and routine are essential in my life (I speak a lot from experience with the hope that when someone else reads this, they might be able to relate), and when one of those are interrupted, I find myself almost instantly on edge and hating life.
It can be the simple irritants that ruin my world, even just for a day. My husband, being my knight, understood this and let me binge on one of my favorite shows, then retreat upstairs for some alone time with another favored show, after the first one left me emotionally drained. Sometimes, that's all it takes.
Please, treat your spectrum people with care, love, and understanding.
