There are only a few times in someone's life that they should ever diagnose themselves. Usually, when you leave it to a professional, they'll cover all bases and try to help you, but not everyone has the means or a trained professional on their side, that's when copious amounts of research and self-diagnosis is appropriate.
Last August, I woke up and experienced something I now know as a meltdown. When I didn't know what it was, I thought it was a panic attack, but waking up immediately to it didn't make sense. I hadn't panicked about anything, hell, I hadn't even had the time! The previous day was stressful and I was a grouch almost all day, but I was under the impression that when you lay down to sleep, you wake up refreshed and anew, having left the previous day behind you. Oh boy I didn't know how wrong I was! So, when I calmed down enough, I consulted the ever-wise Google. What did it spit back at me? Autism Symptoms in children. Not only did I have to dig and scrape the darkest parts of the web for Adult Autism Symptoms, I had to then wade through the cesspool of Autism Speaks, and whiny parents in order to learn more. When I was about to give up, I turned to tumblr and Amazon Kindle. I found a book by Cynthia Kim called "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate". When I bought it, I started reading and immediately began to cry. It was like someone had sat-in on my life and written it into a book. I was finally validated, after 24 years of being told "you're just artsy. Shy. Geeky. Unique", sure, all of these are fine, but they were excuses, not answers. The last nail in my proverbial coffin, was my sensory sensitivities. I began noticing I'd feel panicked after sudden light/noise, and was barely able to handle myself. It was like someone was peeling away this film from my eyes, so I could finally see me, for me. Then began the painful process of adjustment, and the only reason it was painful, was because my husband and I had to rework our lives to accommodate this sudden epiphany. Majority of our friends were accepting, but we kept our family in the dark until when we had the money and the knowledge under our belt, to find a trained therapist in diagnosing Autism in Adults. I spent six months on the waitlist, and that was the longest wait of my life.
Was my husband immediately accepting? No, he was shocked and very wary, which was explainable, until I started highlighting passages in my book and sending them to him via text. After about the tenth message, he realized how wrong he was to doubt me. He felt guilty, but as I learned, he did too. He appreciated it then, and still does now.
Did we encounter people who weren't supporting? I won't name anyone, but the simple answer is yes. We've had several people leave our lives because of my informal and formal diagnosis, and our quality of life has actually improved because of it. You don't always realize the toxicity of the wrong people, until they're gone, and you're able to breathe freely.
My experience with self-diagnosis was always intended to be temporary, but for some people, it's permanent. Some people are in dangerous situations where Autism will always carry stigma. Others simply don't have the means to seek out professional diagnosis, or there are no professionals trained or willing to help them, in their area. Sure, there are irresponsible people out there who just want to "fit in" or there are others, who, like me, do the appropriate amount of research and make an informed self-diagnosis. More times than not, those who cannot seek out a professional, don't just open a health manual and pick out what they want to have.
So it all boils down to, I am self-diagnosis accepting, so long as the person or people conducting it are going about it responsibly. If you're curious about a neurological disorder, research it. Learning isn't bad, and if you happen to identify with something, approach a community about it and start asking questions. Everyone is different, and can therefore present differing symptoms.
Be safe, friends! Living life as an undiagnosed autistic adult was hell, and no one deserves to go through that! Do what you need.
